There was once a time that the State of Ohio was very, very good to Bread.  Before I became the part-time degenerate that you have all come to know and love, I used to be an avid beach volleyball player.  I would spend two full days a week serving and spiking on the sands of Clearwater Beach without fail, for several years.  My partner and I became pretty good at using the game as a conversation starter with the spring breakers that used to visit.

Not the way to treat spring breakers

We would get breakers from all over the country – little gangs of bubbly cuties looking for a local boy to corrupt them.  I’m no Joran van der Sloot, but I still always tried to be accommodating.  Once we would engage in initial conversation, one of the first questions would always be where they were down from.  "Ohio" would be their reply more often than not.  I couldn’t explain it, but I also wasn’t complaining.  Sometimes I wonder if I had grown up there if my nickname would’ve been Wilt Chamberbread.  The state of Ohio used to be very good to me.

Flash forward to Sunday’s game.  I expect the State of Ohio to be very good to me once again, albeit for far less productive reasons.  When the winless Cleveland Browns visit the winless Cincinnati Bengals at 1:00 p.m., I’m banking that there will be less scoring than at a convent.

You can put me on the short list that is somewhat surprised at Cleveland quarterback Derek Anderson’s God-awful start. I was witness to his coming out party in Week 2 of last season against this very Bengals team.  Anderson threw five touchdowns in that wild 51-45 victory.  I remember it so well because I had a friend who lost over $900 on the Cincy moneyline that day.  We’ll just call him “Keith” for this piece.  Well Keith said the same thing I did that morning.  “Who the hell is Derek Anderson?”  We both learned that day.  He learned an even harder lesson than I.

This pass was intercepted. Trust me.

Apparently the Playboy Mansion parties are taking a toll on Derek.  In three starts this year, he has tossed two TDs and five INTs.  It is common knowledge that he could be benched at any given moment for Brady Quinn who has next to no game time experience.  He could possibly take over the 31st ranked passing game.  Wow.

Cleveland is second-to-last in the league in rushing yards with 71.3 yards per game.  They are last in the league in points scored with a paltry 8.7 ppg.  In Mexico they call this “basura.”  But wait…Cincy isn’t much better.

The Bungles are 30th in the league averaging only 238.7 ypg, 28th in the league averaging 13.3 ppg, and near the bottom in both rushing and passing.  They make me laugh the same way that men getting hit in the groin on ‘America’s Funniest Videos’ makes me laugh.

Line movement has shown that the Over is the popular bet.  Opening at several books at 42½, it is now up to 44½.  These are not the Anderson and Palmer led offenses that people remember.  I can’t see too many fireworks in this sad match up.  I’m taking the Under.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to dust off my volleyball and take my wife to the beach.  I’ll get lucky regardless.