Super Bowl props have become all the rage but the fusion of pop culture melded into the sportsbook landscape is always fascinating. The opportunity to wager on those events gives us something else to root for besides the game itself.
If you need a disclaimer to limit your NFL picks to nothing
more than a few bucks on the silliness below then I suggest you’re exactly the
person who should read warning labels such as:
Caution: Microwave is not to be used to dry pets
Caution: Rat poison has been found to be cancerous in
rodents
Caution: Shaving cream not to be used on food
I think you get my drift. Let’s take a look at the Super Bowl spectacle
that is sure to attract all the women who never watched a game and all the men
who haven’t made any NFL picks all year but will no doubt go to great lengths to
demonstrate their vast knowledge of the point spread to their female
audience.
Yes, the posers will rule the
day on Sunday but we will delve into their world and research all the latest
issues of People, US Weekly, and the National Enquirer to get the scoop on
what’s happening outside the world of sports betting. Here we go!
Madonna uses a headset
or a clip on mic
Yes -260
No +180
I think Madonna started this trend way back when most
performers were still tripping over hardwired microphone cords. She’s the quintessential trendsetter, and this
technology must be so passé for her that it may be causing her to itch. I say Madge has demanded that her techno team
come up with a new way for her to communicate with her audience as long as they
do so without looking her directly in the eye. Let’s make the books pay for their insolence to the Queen of Pop as
Madonna gets either a transmitter surgically implanted in her lips or goes
retro and struts the stage with an old school Ed Sullivan mic stand.
The
play is No +180.
Who does President
Obama pick to win
New York Giants -120
New England Patriots -120
Where is the option for not picking anyone? We’re talking politics man. But the guy responsible for hope and change
may hope he picks the right team but will undoubtedly change his mind depending
upon the advice of his advisors. Personally for him, it’s all about November, and last time I checked, New
York has more than double the electoral votes of liberal Massachusetts. He’s already got the Bay State locked up so a
little love to the New Yorkers may not be such a bad thing after all.
New
York -120 is the play.
If Brady’s son is
shown on TV during the game will he be wearing a Tom Brady jersey?
Yes -200
No +150
And which son are we talking about here? I mean just because Tom Terrific chose the
Glamazon from the Amazon over the Classy Lassy with the gorgeous chassis, doesn’t mean his oldest son Jack isn’t part of this discussion. Or does it? Now that’s something we’d like clarified from the sportsbooks.
For those of you scratching your head, Tom sired a cherubic
lad named Jack with Hollywood hottie Bridget Moynahan back in 2007. Unfortunately, Tom went off to graze in
greener pastures while Bridget decided she would raise her son as a single
mom. Now rumor has it that Bridget and
Tom are not exactly sending each other Christmas cards, but then again I haven’t
spoken with either of those crazy kids in just too long, so who am I to
say?
Assuming Bridget won’t be in attendance, we all know the
heavenly body herself, Giselle Bundchen aka Mrs. Tom Brady, will be there with
her genetically perfect progeny in tow. Yes little Benjamin Brady holds the key to this wager and the question
remains will he or won’t he be adorned in Patriots colors with his daddy’s name
across his back. Well, I say the fashion
conscious Gisele will not succumb to the perceived cultural fashion faux pas
but instead will dress him in something more Abercrombie and Fitch. Therefore, if son Benjamin is shown on the
big screen to the entire world, we say he will be not flying father’s
colors.
Play No +150.
What will Kelly
Clarkson wear to sing the National Anthem?
Super Bowl XLVI or official shirt +225
Colts jersey or shirt +700
Giants jersey or shirt +1500
Patriots jersey or shirt +1500
Anything else -300
Ah, it seems like yesterday Kelly Clarkson was just a small
town girl, livin’ in a lonely world. She
took the midnight train goin’ anywhere. Whoa my bad. I’ve got to turn off
the 80’s station when I write. Indeed,
this is a about a journey, just not that
Journey.
Ok, let’s get back on track. But then a dream came calling and she made motion picture history with a
blindingly brilliant debut performance on the silver screen when the world was
blessed with From Justin to Kelly. Oh right, and she won American Idol too.
So now she’s a star with an on again off again weight
problem (hey, it’s better than a drug addiction) and poised to sing the Star
Spangled Banner in front of the entire world. But the question we need answered is what will she wear?
Forget about her alienating an entire group of potential
concert goers. This is a Texas girl with
no obvious ties to either East Coast team so we can rule out the long
shots. But that doesn’t mean she won’t
be donning any NFL approved gear. She
strikes me as a fun chick not a pop diva. So I’m inclined to believe she will do away with the designer blouse and
get in the spirit of the big game. But
will it be a Super Bowl shirt or the host jersey? You best believe she’d have the hometown fans
eating out of the palm of her hand if she wore a Colts jersey with the letters
M-A-N-N-I-N-G on the back. Hell at that
point she could sing the anthem backwards and she’d still get a standing
ovation.
But I believe going that extra mile and putting Manning’s
name on the back would create a few awkward moments for Colts management,
particularly because they’re about to dump Peyton and the 28 million he has due
this season in favor of what they hope will be, some very good Luck. But the wording on the back is irrelevant to
this wager. But I do say Clarkson will
play to the Indy fans while remaining neutral to the participants.
Play
Colts jersey +700.
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