The big game has come
and gone with many celebrating Big Blue’s championship season while Patriots
backers are in deep mourning. Let’s see
how Swinger wrapped up his successful NFL campaign.
Final NFL Season Record for
2011: 48-33-7 (+34.75 units)
than 5 minutes remaining, I looked like a genius. I advised a NFL pick on the Patriots -145 on the
money line for 5 units and stealthily hedged with the Giants +4.5 on the buy
(-145) while taking John Ryan’s sage advice and plunking 2 units on the Under
Yes, a Patriots victory by the
score of 17-15 would have been an arbitrager’s jackpot, but it was not to be
when Belichick was forced to employ the Ole defense and let the Giants walk in
the endzone with under a minute remaining. Sure there were those who criticized me for laying the lumber on both
sides of the equation, but the game forecasted to be a tight contest and I was
poised to take advantage of it.
Eli Manning the Magnificent shredded the woeful Pats secondary, and that was that. The New England entry could not do anything
to prevent the Giants on 3rd and whatever even though they knew the
pass was imminent. The final tally was a
big loss on the Patriots money line for 7 units (7 to make 5) and a score on
the New York Giants for 3 units while cashing easily for 2 units on the Under 54 for a
net of minus two units for the day.
We had a good run
to use the term “house money” when referring to my pre-game position because
once the dough is in your pocket, it’s no longer the sportsbooks bankroll. Nevertheless, we were guaranteed to come out
on top for the season and that’s a nice feeling to have when you factor in the
bad beats and the overall grind that is the NFL season. We will take our 34 plus units for the
season, which was a result of our 1 to 5 unit NFL handicapping system, and enjoy an
exotic cocktail on an equally exotic tropical destination.
The Halftime Show
most guys would prefer to chew glass and wash it down with a vinegar chaser
rather than admit they enjoyed the Madonna halftime show. Well, as a product of the 80’s and a man
equipped with virtually no musical taste, I liked it! And if you dare question my manhood, I will
submit to you that the UFC’s own Dana White liked it as well according to his
post on Facebook. Oh yeah, I’m Facebook
friends with Dana and if that doesn’t give me street cred, I don’t know what
Queen of Pop lip syncing? I don’t know
and I don’t care. The show had all the
spectacle and pageantry one would expect from the Material Girl and that 53
year old body strutted, pranced and preened like no grandma I’ve ever
seen. As a guy not particularly enamored
with halftime shows in general (think audio disaster Fergie and the Black Eyed
Peas from a few years back), I was riveted.
At about 3.5
million a pop for a 30 second opportunity to demonstrate to the entire world
how clever you are and how good your product is, it’s an all-in moment for
advertising agencies across the globe. Some succeeded and some didn’t. Let’s take a look at the best and worst from Super Bowl Sunday.
– It’s hard to go wrong when the spokesperson pitching your product is arguably the hottest piece of ass on the
planet (for the record, I’m not arguing). Victoria’s Secret model Adrianna Lima, regaled in high heels and
lingerie, whispered seductively to her vast male audience that quid pro quo is
the law of the land if they want a carnal return on their short financial
investment. Give flowers; get laid…works
Acura – Sure
some younger audience members won’t get the allure that is Jerry Seinfeld and
the iconic “Soup Nazi” uttering the legendary phrase, “No soup for you,” but it
will resonate with adults who can afford the smooth riding sedan. Add Jay Leno swooping in at the very end to
steal the keys to the very first NSX and Jerry left empty handed, familiarly
cursing his nemesis. Good stuff.
Cars.com – A
man is haggling with a dealer in a showroom and suddenly a second head sprouts
in a rhythmic, swaying motion as though it were a snake being charmed. The singing head represents the buyer’s
confidence gained by researching the auto of his choice on Cars.com. It was weird, funny and worthy of a top spot
among the pantheon of commercials in this year’s Super Bowl extravaganza.
End of the World” – Set in a post-apocalyptic world, a man and his dog (and his
Chevy truck) escape the burning embers of ruin and devastation as Barry
Manilow’s “Looks like we made it” blares triumphantly in the background. Upon reaching his destination, the driver is
clearly relieved to see his two of his three friends and their Chevy trucks at
the appointed rendezvous location. Evidently
one party didn’t make it. It was Dave…he
drove a Ford.
It took a few seconds for me to understand that the Brown M&M was a naughty
librarian type who explained to her female companions that her shell was brown,
like her chocolaty skin underneath, but she was of course not naked. In walks a “Quagmire” (re: Family Guy) kind
of M&M who thinks she is naked and peels off his shell because it’s one of
“those” parties and dances around with his own chocolaty wares on full display.
Century 21 –
Real estate agents don’t strike me as having any extraordinary talents other
than trying to convince me to dump my life savings into a property that doesn’t
fit any of my criteria, in order to earn a commission. Nothing against real estate agents per se,
but the women I’ve dealt with don’t resemble in any way, shape or form the
Century 21 Wonder Woman who hangs out with Deion Sanders and chases down speed
skating legend Apolo Ohno on a crystal sheet of ice. Sorry, not buying it.
Electric – They make the power that allows Budweiser to make the beer. Really? Talk about shamelessly pandering to the beer drinking crowd, GE takes it
to an absurd level. I doubt the Occupy
Wall Streeters are going to give GE a pass because they now share a hops loving
passion with the object of their derision.
– Sorry, I’m not buying the fact that Danica Patrick and the fitness chick
Jillian Michaels share a latently Sapphic proclivity for hot women in small
bikinis. Sure they’re both nice to look
at but neither strikes me as the fun-loving, do anything on a dare type of
gal. Oh, and go to their website to see
what’s next and be prepared to get disappointed.
Well boys, I
hope you enjoyed the game and the Patriots didn’t crush your bankroll. Until next season when we do it all again,
thank you for your contributions to my threads in the Players Talk and NFL
Forums. I also want to thank SBR for
allowing me a platform to hang and bang with some of the sharpest cappers on
the planet while proving that you can have a few laughs while you make a few bucks
in the process.