Carlos Tevez and Andy Carroll: Two names first on your team sheet?

In case anyone isn’t aware Fantasy football is a game where you assemble an imaginary team of real life professional footballers (bought from a set budget) then score points based on your players' actual performance (in the real world). It’s often a case of points for a goal, an assist or a clean sheet, some leagues offer points for 90 minutes played, distance covered, passes completed etc. with varying degrees of complications. The game has literally hundreds of different leagues and websites, some leagues are played just between friends some are played on a global scale and you can win big prizes if your team performs best.

The big points scorers last season were (unsurprisingly) the top scorers, Carlos Tevez, Dimitar Berbatov and Robin van Persie who scored loads of goal (which translates into loads of points) but they were also some of the most expensive players on offer (it is at the end of the day all about getting the best squad for your money and like soccer betting finding value where others don't). Other than scoring goals, the other main way you can get Fantasy league points is assists on goal, Manchester United’s Nani came out top of the table for assists, closely followed by Drogba (maybe the Chelsea striker was worth whatever you paid for him after all). Despite not winning the league; Chelsea and Man City managed to concede the least goals, but defenders and ‘keepers never generate as many points as strikers, remember you can only get one clean sheet per game. 

Rules and superstitions

Most fantasy leagues put a cap on the number of players you can have from anyone team, probably to stop people just having Manchester United’s first 11, scowling at journalists, chewing gum and calling themselves Alex. Some Fantasy Football Managers refuse to pick players from the team they support, in case they jinx them and some Fantasy Managers refuse to pick players from their team’s locals rivals and some (lady) managers pick players based on who they fancy. Besides all the tips and hints for maximising your points in a fantasy league team, if money and rules weren’t a problem; who could you get and more importantly what should you call your team? Picking the obvious football superstars is never a smart move as they tend to be the most expensive, what you should do is pick a little cleverer and find the best value for money. Below are some example of teams that might be worth a punt, regardless of cost and availability. 

Stirrup United

Injury prone but capable Steven Ireland, would sit well with France’s Zinedine Zidane, supported by Brad Friedel, and maybe Captained by an (in his prime) Bobby (comb over) Charlton making a great team of focally challenged footballers. You’d have to add Wayne Rooney as that would be the only way the Roonester would be the most bouffant player in a team. Naturally all their games would have to be refereed by Pierluigi Collina. 

Bedroom Rovers 

Your fantasy team could well be a case of collecting likeminded players so imagine assembling a team featuring Ashley Cole, Wayne Rooney, Ryan Giggs and captained by John Terry. They could also have unnameable due to super injunction, unnameable due to super injunction and unnameable due to super injunction warming up on the substitutes' bench. If you have a wicked sense of humour you might fancy grouping together Ryan Giggs, Rhodri Giggs, Danny Simpson, Dwight Yorke and Phil Bardsley. They are the latest list of players who have been “romantically” linked to Natasha Giggs by the British press. 

Bad Boys

Some Fantasy managers pick the oddest rules for choosing their teams; some go as far as to only pick players with “unsporting” off-pitch activities and a history on pitch “incidents”. If you’re that way inclined you could fashion a decent team from Gentleman Joey Barton, Steven (DJ) Gerrad, El (spitting camel) Hadji Diouf, Lee (fighting his teammates) Bowyer, Craig (Nine Iron) Bellamy, and bring out of retirement Robbie Savage and Roy Kean to round out your squad.

Sicknotes XI

Some fantasy leagues even offer a low/high system where you get the greatest number of points for the worst imaginable team. If you want a team of injury prone non-events, there are some players who despite their huge transfer values, wages and “skills” kicked so few balls in anger that their managers might as well have picked random drunken supporters to add to their squads. If you wished to compose a team of players that failed to deliver on their potential you could do worse than pick, Chris Kirkland, Wes Brown, Jonathan Woodgate, Ledley King, Kieron Dyer, Owen Hargreaves and Newcastle United’s record signing, record earner and most disappointing striker Michael (thank you very much for the stable of horses you paid for, but I’ll still slag you off on twitter) Owen.  

Cloud City

If the walking wounded don’t interest you might like to gather a team of footballing giants. If you want some really big players you could pick, Belgian goalkeeper Kristof van Hout (at 6ft10), or the Norwegian striker Tor Hogne Aarøy (6ft8), there’s also Even Iversen (6ft8) and making up the numbers “little” Peter Crouch (6ft 7).

Personally I’ll be picking goal hungry strikers in teams that look likely to have a good 2011/12 (are you listening Andy Carroll and Carlos Tevez), players who had a quiet season last year, but look to have moved up rung as they’ve moved to a bigger club, say someone like Jordan Henderson who has moved from Sunderland to Liverpool and Phil Jones who looks like he’s going to be a Man Utd player not a Blackburn boy next year. Other than that pick defenders who may not be marquee names but play in tight defensive teams (they get a decent share of clean sheets without spending the big bucks on theme).

Whatever you fancy, fantasy football allows you to play at being god, or at least play at being Alex Ferguson, which is almost the same thing.