My job basically consists of masking my contempt for my work colleagues and at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about the life that doesn't so closely resemble hell! Doesn't time fly when you're distracted by life? One day you're at school hanging out with your mates and then you realise that you need some money, so you get a job. You think it's only temporary, but then you get a promotion, and then a raise and all these doors open for you. But they are not really doors -- they are trap doors. All of a sudden 15 years zip by and your thinking "is this all I have to my life?" I'm 31 years old and despite all that I have been through in life so far all I see are missed opportunities. The experiences, the moments, the things that could have been but weren't. Here I am, I'm healthy, I have few worries in life, I'm reasonably wise, but instead of bouncing out of bed in the morning happy to be alive, I open my eyes and think "oh fuck not another day, will I ever feel anything new again?" Every morning I wake up to relive the same excruciating pattern of existence over and over again, and everyday I hope that a trigger can be found to free myself from the pain. I don't just want more out of life, I just want something out of it -- ANYTHING! The prospect to live in the perfect moment with everything filled with promise just for one day. But every time that I think I have found the lowest point imaginable I find a basement door. I can feel myself teetering on the abyss of becoming a depressed social outcast. My only ambition to lay unconscious on a cold wet floor confined in utter solitude, slowly detaching myself from reality and the responsibilities that it demands. With each passing day I get the feeling that the universe has cocked the "fuck with me" gun yet again -- BANG! I'm thinking that it is just best to give up on everything -- oh, and stop biting my nails as they look terrible.